Now the Wrong Copy Message…

I was looking at a direct marketing copywriter’s landing page this morning and I can’t get the total lack of clear and concise sales copy, confusing offers, and lack of clear-cut CTA out of my head:istock_000007334810xsmall

The page (funnels customers from a sponsored ad) is brief, 111 words to be exact , besides head and sub-head. Interestingly this copywriter’s head and sub-head are nothing eye-catching either, when in the world of advertising the headline is most of THE sell.  His headline format:

Do this….

get this,

get this,

and get this!

But beneath that he follows up with 111 words–that’s all– that focus not on the prospect, as direct marketing legend John Caples taught over and over, but on everything about him–his name, he’s done yadda yadda yadda and is now president of company X.  So I ask “yeah….and that’s going to do what for someone’s business…?”

How Not to Use 111 Words to Sell Your Services

In 111 words he’s formatted his landing page, and ultimately his DM copywriting sales  pitch to look and feel like this:

I’m yadda, yadda, yadda. I blah blah blah. I have yadda yadda yadda.

* job position

* job experience

* current job experience

I yadda yadda yadda my blah blah blah my blah blah…. Blah blah blah me yadda yadda yadda I blah blah blah…..”

He does use 4 instances of “you” and “your” but only to modify the I’s, my’s and me’s.

Forget about his nice Credentials, Services and Samples tabs– before anyone even sees those he’s got to get potential customers beyond his landing page….which means he must engage them long enough to persuade them that they NEED his services, that Joe Schmoe’s direct mail copywriting is THE mojo that can finally make a difference to your company, better yet, make a difference or positive leap you never knew you needed until now– At this point he’d have customers primed to act…

2 CTAs vs 1…?

But here’s the other problem: in the middle of this 111 word pitch he asks prospects to do 2 things….not one…which is really the landing page rule–1 CTA….but two:

  • First, he “invites” prospective clients to explore his site,
  • Second, in the next sentence he inserts his real Call to Action, ” email me for a free consultation…”(which could be sweetened with a free white paper or report in favor of his services, btw).

Which action does he most want his customers to take? If he wants them to, 1, surf his site for more information he must put this CTA on each of those pages: “email me for a free, blah blah….” b/c this is really what he wants. Except he fails to do that.  And by ignoring this he risks losing prospects to a quick exit. Eliminate the invitation to surf the site or add the CTA to each page.

Un-Mixing Messages

Is it possible that even a supposedly seasoned direct marketing copywriter can totally lose his way when crafting his own sales pitch? or Is it possible he simply has not mastered the nuances of webcopy and selling online? The way I see it this DM copywriter’s lander should be a strong marketing copy message to businesses and companies that need direct marketing copy…direct marketing inside direct marketing, one of those cleverly designed and deftly painted Russian nested eggs. Let me show you what I can do by doing it.

My slap-dash version may not be very polished but it appeals to business need: customer engagement which leads to profitability…

“Increase customer response rates with proven direct marketing messages. I’m wondering…if you can begin to see how precision-targeted messages will fuel your customers’ engagement and inflate your bottom line?

“….maximize your business cash flow….

“…thicken customer base and build profitability….

“Learn  how you can build bigger profits through direct customer and brand engagement …”

Totally focused on prospect’s needs (desires–money), not on my resume or biography.

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